I have a lot on my mind - time to think, but no time to put on 'paper'. First things first. I would normally start out saying, I hope this makes sense, but hopefully I get around to editing before publishing - thus taking out or changing things to have them make sense. But then again, it's me and sometimes it sounds good until I hit the SEND button.
Being that I have the priviledge that not too many people have (although I'm finding more and more families like ours), to raise almost to adulthood 2 wonderful children before starting in on raising 2 other wonderful children, I have had a lot to contemplate about parenting. I had an 'ahah' moment the other day while trying to find something uplifting to watch while doing a mindless task (not laundry, but mindless just the same). Really hard to find, btw.
I settled on a talk show and the topic was raising children who are different than what the parent expected. (only watched for 5 minutes) There were 5 - one child was deaf, one was a child who had committed horrible crimes, one was dyslexic I think, one family was 'normal-size' and had a child who was a dwarf and I can't think of the other. The person interviewed was a reporter who did a story on parents raising a deaf child said he found that there is actually a deaf community and culture - in his words "not one that I chose to embrace, but a culture non-the-less" WHAT??? He had to make that stipulation, that it was viable, even tho he chose not to embrace it? yes, of course there is a deaf culture - as he put it, deaf poetry, deaf literature, etc, etc. This is all leading somewhere - but it may be long in getting my thoughts out. Well, as one would expect - the reporter is also gay. (That is what he means by "not one I choose to embrace". That his 'culture' is viable - even if some choose not to embrace it.) That may be the other set of parents they were highlighting - straight with a gay child. Anyway, his comments led me to assume a lot of things, but they are taken in context with an explanation set forth in a blog by a gay man who has chosen a different way to live his life than this reporter. The reporter said that his parents tried to 'fix' him, and he even at one point wanted to become straight. He went to counseling and tried to change himself. He said "I wanted to have a family and children, and I thought that was the only way to achieve this goal. Well, I decided that I couldn't change and guess what?!? I have a family and children!" I am not questioning the viability of his affections towards his family. I don't know anything other than what he said in the 3 minutes I listened to him. I do know that this is what the world is saying - that you can follow your urges - you aren't wrong, just different and different is ok, not need to change for anyone, be yourself for your own happiness that is what matters most. Unfortunately the world is the only resource that most parents and people have to turn to for help.....(does 'blown about by every wind of doctrine' mean anything yet?)
Now, I'm not going to quote the blogger, but I remember a lot of what he said, so I will paraphrase. He is a gay man who was raised in a family who are members of the Church. They obviously knew and lived their lives in accordance to the pure teachings of Jesus Christ. His parents never criticized him or tried to change him. They loved him. They also taught him the gospel and things not only about this life but the next. His best friend (a girl) also supported him and had many long and deep conversations about his preferences. He had a strong testimony of God, God's love, the Plan of Salvation and about Eternal Life. He also wanted to have a family and children. He knows that the only way to have these blessings is by following God's Plan. (See Proclamation on the Family at lds.org) He BELIEVED these eternal principles. He has a wife (his best friend) and children. He has a loving family. He still is gay, but he understands the things of the gospel-of eternity.
NOW, this got me thinking - have I raised my children - am I raising my children with these key parenting ingredients? That God loves them, that they can reach their full potential by following God's plan? I think that is essentially what parenting comes down to. Of course there are little things - do I teach them to be good people, to be responsible, to be self-sufficient, etc etc. But if they don't have that underlying knowledge of the Love of Heavenly Father and that anything can be overcome with the Atonement - then I haven't taught them anything but how to exist and get by in this world.
This last year has seen a lot of changes in our family. CM & MA tried a couple different employment paths and they are now headed in a direction different than they thought 12/9/6 months ago. CM is just about to start basic training for the Army Reserves and MA is in pre-nursing ready to apply to nursing school at the end of this semester (I think). VP had a rough start to her year, then got up again and headed in a different direction than she thought 9 months ago. It would be easy for me to say "why don't they just finish what they start - they keep changing direction" but in the end, it doesn't matter - as long as they are strong with their testimony of the Atonement. They won't go wrong with that foundation. Struggles will come, change will come, success will come, but all this is what life is all about.
I am no expert and I certainly hope that in spite of my many shortcomings, our children will turn out okay. Also, this morning, my visiting teacher GB gave me an example from her family that one of her daughters is a professional of some kind. She is very close to her family and there for her children. Either another daughter or someone they know is a "stay-at-home" mom and isn't there for the children and family. (not saying that the only way to have a successful family with well-adjusted children is to have a SAH mom. I'm not as narrow-minded as that). There is no set way to do things, step-by-step. It all has to do with the attitude and desire to do what is right.
Before I start to babble - I'm going to end this. No real conclusion because I can't think of one - unless I already concluded and I've lost my train of thought.
