Changes

I know life is about change. What would it be but boring, boring if there were no changes to our lives? It would be predictable, but boring nonetheless.

In the last year+ we have had a son come home from a mission, a daughter graduate, the same son get married, said son and daughter leave for school, come back, leave again, etc. In all that happening, we have also had our younger children continue to grow and change from 2-3 1/2 and from 6 1/2 -8 years old. We had some tough financial difficulties, and I went from being exclusively a domestic architect, to doing some intensive work-from-home things. One thing that I have noticed as a generational thing is that it seems now that it is very normal for people to change careers or employers quick frequently. When I was growing up, if you were in the work force, you maybe got promoted, but you typically stayed with the same employer and career. Well, my dh, JS, has been different. All the time we have been together he has had the same career. He has gone from working with a company, to being self-employed, to working for a company to being self-employed again, but all with the same business. When the economy went sour, his business struggled. Also, other options have opened up for people to get the product he sells for cheaper than what he can purchase it for, so it has been very rough to make the sales we need for our support. We prayed and prayed (also mentioned in previous post), and just when things looked desperate, he would make a sale that would come just at the right time. Our landlord was very understanding and was lenient with us being creative with the rent. Then I got the job that was exactly the amount that we needed for that time frame (I literally mean exactly the amount we needed). Well, the season ended, but it still wasn't looking very promising for JS's business. Our very good friend and home-teacher happened to mention a couple things and it turned out that JS was able to start working with him. JS thought it would be a part-time, in-addition-to-his-business, type thing, but it has turned into working full-time with this other company and completely different job. He is liking the change and challenges. And it is helping us breathe easier come the first & last of every month! Again, and again, prayers are being answered. Not in the way we expected (or advised Heavenly Father :-), but in better ways than we could have ever imagined.


Other changes in our family - VP all of a sudden in August said she had been applying for jobs in SLC and was going there for interviews. At the same time, CM/MA were coming home earlier than expected from Maine since things there were not what they expected and were promised, so they were coming to go back to school in the fall. AR turned 8 and was baptized and 

NG just keeps growing and growing. She is actually turning into a ham, but is so shy that only the close family members get to see her humor. She is sharp as a tack and amazes us at what she comes up with. Her latest thing is asking "Why did Jesus create...." One day it was "Why did Jesus create all this stuff (waving her hand over the glass, plate and food at dinner). Then: "Mom? Why did Jesus create the bad guys who killed him?" That is just the way that developing mind is working!




Well, AR got baptized, VP flew to SLC (where she had left her car the previous week), CM/MA left for Provo all within 4 days of each other. I am happy for the changes, but they just keep coming at us from all directions! 

VP is very happy in SL at her job as a trainer in a fitness club. She actually wasn't supposed to get this job. She applied as a front desk/greeter. One of the managers got a call from a trainer in Idaho who was moving to SL and wanted to transfer. The manager talked to the other manager and said "Someone just sent in their application who is transferring here, so go ahead and hire her". He pulled up VP's app instead and called and offered her the job of trainer. She is currently studying to certify to be a trainer. 

CM I can't really post what he is doing as he isn't sure yet. He is applying for jobs while MA has started school - she has 3 years left before she graduates, so they will be in Provo at least that long. He has lots of options, but hasn't firmed anything up.....

   

  And so again, our house is emptier than it was. We are most likely going to stay just a family of 4 in the household - except maybe for summers and holidays??? It is very much quieter now than it was 6 weeks ago. AR has started 3rd grade and NG is doing preschool (well, we're doing it together as a co-op) and swim lessons. I am so blessed to have children who work hard, love to serve others and are resilient to challenges. They are forgiving and understanding and faithful. I have a hard working husband who is also forgiving and understanding (they must get it from him....). He is not selfish and is kind to everyone that he meets. I have a testimony of a loving Heavenly Father. I am grateful for the opportunities that come because of changes that happen in my life. (I might not like them, but I am grateful for them - and love the results).

Where have all the months gone??

So, obviously it's been so long since I have posted that the whole blog thing has changed and it took me a while to even figure out how to get to the publishing page. Can that be my excuse? NO. I have just not taken the time to post - I never thought about it and thus it just got put way back on my to-do list. I actually don't have a to-do list except in my head.... Anyway, so here I am again. Trying to get caught up on life in the H household!

Well, the last post was VP's engagement. Her status has changed, not to married, but to unengaged and single. (YAY). This all happened right before the end of the semester in April, so she came home with very mixed emotions. She also didn't go back for the 2nd semester, but decided to stay home and work and do online classes. She did work - lots, but didn't ever get her classes started. We were very happy to have her home. As I said in my post about the engagement - there were concerns as well as us being very happy for VP and her intended. But through all the drama, I just kept feeling very calm about the whole thing - whichever way things turned out. Maybe it is good that I didn't post until now. I can look back and share a much different perspective than would have been shared had I posted right in the thick of things. The calmness was a real blessing, because whenever VP called with any kind of emotion (and there were several), I was able to say things more like support and concern rather than "I told you" so's, etc. I was able to just say things to help her see things differently and make her decisions rather than freak out with her. She might not have liked it in the moment, but in the long run, these reactions were better coming from me than anger or frustration (which is what she had - I didn't need to have them too). I wasn't calm because I knew what the end result would be, but Heavenly Father always gave me that calm feeling whenever I prayed about the situation as a way to know it would all work out with the end result being much growth and understanding for all concerned. That has been the best blessing of the last year in all situations of my family life. With VP, I am glad she had this experience. She has learned to rely on whisperings of the Spirit and the power of prayer. She wouldn't admit it, but she will understand that it is important to listen to those who love you and are concerned for you and have your best interest at heart. Even if you don't necessarily do exactly as they suggest, it will give you other ways at looking at things that will help in your final decision. That's what life and free agency is all about - not doing all things independently, but gathering all information, then deciding from there.

There is actually a lot of perspectives about life that I am now looking back on and being very thankful for how it all has turned out. AR was not too thrilled to be giving up her room 3 months earlier than anticipated. We had just got her settled when VP came home for the whirlwind weekend, then 2 months later, VP was moving back in, so AR had to go back into sharing a room again. She was really good about it, though. At the same time, CM & MA were coming home to work for the summer. It included CM coming 6 weeks earlier than his dear wife to work at a landscaping company, then they would head out to Maine to work on a farm to see how they liked the "simple" (haha) life. All this was happening when our financial life was pretty much tanking - after several months, and it was looking pretty desperate. Lots and lots of praying, fasting and temple attendance was being done on our part to see which direction we needed to go.  One night CM just happened to mention that I should be the office manager for the landscaping company. Well, it was 2 days before the season started, and I said YES!, but I am sure at this point they have someone already to go. The owner had done all this in the past and it was the first year they have hired someone to answer the phone, do all the computer work and deposits, etc - no office space, just from my home or wherever I happened to be. Well, he mentioned it to SP and I prayed. I had also recently interviewed for a part-time job of a neighbor in their home office. I actually said these words in my prayer "I know that someone else probably has this job already, but if there is any hesitation on their part, and it is something that I can and should do, then please have everything work out that I can get this". (this was Monday) In interviewing with SP and his wife (on Wednesday), they mentioned that they had someone all set up through the gal's mother. She was returning from a mission, so the mother had set it up so she could start right when she got home. When she got home, she decided on Tuesday that she instead wanted to go right away to school and declined the job.!!!! They used my exact words that I had used in my prayers. Looking back on it - I can say that it wasn't easy - not in the least bit. It was actually quite stressful, but it had an end to the season, and I was able to hang on to the fact that I knew that we needed it, and it was an answer to my prayers, so I knew that Heavenly Father knew I could handle it. It also so happened that I was watching a kindergartner all during the same time as this other job - so it was good for Nova, but also added to my normally quite calm life. In the end, the timing couldn't have been more perfect financially, too as what I earned during that 3 month period was exactly what we needed to stay afloat. 

This post is getting pretty long and drawn out. I just know that there really, really is a Heavenly Father - a Father who is concerned for all of His children with all aspects of their lives. He is caring, and knows us personally. He has eternal perspective - which our perspective is far from that, so when we rely on His, and have faith, life might not go as we think is best, but the end result is better than we could have imagined.
I am going to go do another post right away, just to break things up a little!

VP's Engagement

Well, VP is engaged! Of course being who I am I don't have a picture of them from their weekend here. I do have one of the ring - and I think the FB pictures I have seen so far are not very flattering. I may be able to find one to add later.

Anyway, of course the response I am getting from EVERYONE is "WOW, that's fast". and Yes it is - that is undeniable. There are 2 different Wow that's fast reasons that I am hearing, both of which have been made clear to me lately from many different loved ones who have concerns for our dear daughter.

#1 is that they are both so young, and still have so much school in front of them. Well, yes, VP will be just a few months past her 19th birthday when the big day happens. But, she does have 2+ years behind her in college credits thanks to the running-start program she did in high school. He has 3 semesters left, so is just ahead of her by a semester or 2. KZ is almost 24, so he can't have that "too young" label attached to him. He is a hard worker and is a great student so will be able to present himself with good credentials upon graduation.

#2 is that they are both so young, and everything is moving so fast. Well, yes, this is true too. VP has tended to act on things by impulse in the past and sometimes followed through, and other times petered out in her enthusiasm.(where did the phrase "petered-out" come from?) But she really thought this out, struggled with it and has had some unmistakable feelings as to this being 'right' for her. Answers come at different speeds, this one came quickly. She was actually a little perturbed by the fact that she met him so early on in the semester and they moved quickly into this part of their relationship. She didn't want to be that typical BYU engaged couple. I think she wanted a little more original story to relate when asked "how did you meet?". Well, we can be reassured that they will be spending the whole summer apart as KZ is working in another state and she will be at home. They will be able to actually get to know each other via communication rather than spending time being together. I am surprisingly calm about the whole thing which is a definate blessing that I am not freaking out about it. Also, being raised with and having the conviction that physical intimacy is for after marriage, we do tend to have shorter engagements than other people.

SO, of course we all have our concerns and nothing is guaranteed. As I said earlier, I do feel calm. I feel that they aren't doing this just to be engaged or because they think life will be rosey and lovely after they are married. I am sure they have seen enough of family struggles to realize that they will have some of their own and will work on them together. They are both come from good families. They are both good students and have goals to finish their schooling and then have plans for graduate schools also. I have seen VP happy and excited about things in the past, but she seemed really glowing and genuinely happy this last weekend. That has been the biggest comfort to me. We keep being asked "so what do you think of him?". That is hard to answer when we spent a total of maybe 6 hours alone with the 2 of them and another 4 with his family here. Our best gauge was how they seemed together. We will learn more the more we get to know him and see him and her together. Our family is growing and we are excited about that!

Recognizing the Spirit

I have been contemplating this a bit lately. I have a really hard time knowing if I am being prompted by the Spirit. I know that anything good I think to do is not an evil prompting. But most of the time (really, most of the time) when I follow a thought to, lets say visit someone or call them that person isn't home or doesn't answer the phone. So, when I get a thought the next time and I am on my way doing something else, I will think it is just myself and wandering thoughts. I never get a strong thought to do something specific. It is usually just a thought of that person "I wonder how they are doing" or I just passed their house and think of them. I have - VERY rarely - responded to promptings that were unmistakably from the Spirit and those have been of benefit to that person. I guess maybe I just need to realize that I need a kick in the pants type of prompting and only to help avoid a crisis.

Anyway, another thought along these lines - I was reading last night in 2 Nephi 17. Verse 15 "Butter and honey shall he eat, that he may know to refuse the evil and to choose the good." This is Nephi quoting Isaiah regarding the Messiah. This is how I interpreted this verse for my contemplations about the spirit lately. This is in regards to raising children. I am not trying to judge people who have their children in day-care or preschools. I have felt very blessed to have been able to be home with my children and as much as I may go stir-crazy have been very reassured that it has been important for me to be home with them. These are my thoughts to that idea.

In raising children, the more they are exposed to goodness and light the more they will recognize the absence of that light later in life. They do not need to be exposed to darkness early in their life to help them handle it as adults. This verse means that Christ would be raised with simple and good things (butter and honey being a symbol of God's blessings and outpouring of His spirit - ie: land of milk and honey, etc). If goodness is all they know as children they will be prepared to run away from evil when exposed to it out of necessity when they go out in the world. If they are exposed to it "for their good, to help them better relate to their peers" or to "not feel out of the loop" or to "give them a headstart academically and socially". Then evil will just be an accepted form of life rather than an abhorrence to keep at a distance.

So, in being a stay-at-home-mom, I should be aware of the ways I expose my children to the promptings of the Spirit. Creating for them experiences where the spirit is welcome and witnessing to them. Teaching them the Gospel and forging the armor of God that will fit them snugly and protectively when they do go out into the world. They will learn social skills, academic strategies and networking skills all in good time. These early years are necessary for them to learn things of the spirit, love and kindness.

Summer thoughts

So, it's been a LONG time since I have sat down here and just written - I probably won't have much to add as I don't have a lot of time. JS is being such a GREAT dad - which comes naturally to him. I was sick yesterday and Friday he had been home all day. Both days he just took the girls (AR & NG) out to have a great time and enjoy the weather.

I have just updated my other blog with pictures and things from CM's wedding which was 2 1/2 weeks ago. Pretty much our whole summer was geared towards that one day. And all I had to do was put on a luncheon for after the temple. Only thing was we first figured there would be maybe 60 people. But it ended up that there were 80+, so I planned for 100. It was a lot of fun, but poor AR heard too many times "we'll do that after the wedding". Thankfully it has been not very great weather so there were plenty of "rainy day" excuses. I did find that planning and re-planning and double-planning were what helped me be stress free that day. That and of course wonderful people who came and helped with last minute things (cutting tomatoes and putting out cheese, etc) while I was needed for picture time.

So along with all that - we were going to move 10 days before the wedding. I thought that it would be no problem as I do most of my packing long ahead of time (meaning that we have stuff that we really can live without on a daily basis). Well, I did all that early packing only to have to open each box at least one time for some wedding thing (pictures, sewing stuff, etc). It turned out a week before our scheduled move - which was down the street 4 houses into a friends house who moved out of the country. Well a week before we were going to move our current landlord says in passing that he was coming to check out the house to see what needed to be done so he could rent it out again. (our lease stated that we could not extend it as they would be using it as a 2nd house). Well, things worked out for the best and our friends found renters immediately and we stayed here without having to move. It was an answer to our prayers at the time as the move was going to be bad timing as well as helping us to stay here for other reasons.

Lately I have been trying to really rely on the spirit and not focus so much on my worries and concerns but to hand them over to the Lord. I really don't know how this works - but my scripture reading has been those that tell us to trust in the Lord and to cast our burdens at His feet. If anyone has suggestions or examples as to how this has worked for them - I am open to help. I know it works, I just need to have more faith.

Our son CM was just recently married to MA in the Seattle Temple. They are 21 and 19 1/2. People have commented on how young they are and do they know what they are getting into. Well, I have had that on my mind a lot, too. Do any of us really know what we are getting into whether it's marriage, college, mission or any new adventure? JS and I were a little older than they, but watching their courtship I know they are on strong footing (maybe even stronger than ours was 23 years ago) for having a great start. It is also fun to compare them with my parents who are celebrating 50 years this month. There is no guarantee, but if we daily work on whatever relationships we have, they are sure to be strengthened and blessed as we do everything we can for others (be they spouse, family member or acquaintance)

Well, this is a jumble of thoughts and as I said I don't have lots of time, plus my wrist will hurt for a few days if I type for too long - I need something called "dragon" or the like that my mom has - it transposes your spoken word into written word! pretty amazing stuff.

taking a minute

OK, so I really don't have any time. Especially since NG has begun to not be left alone. She has always played alone really really well - but lately, she has changed that to entertaining herself really really well. Meaning, she gets into things - or out of things (like all her clothing). If she can't reach it, she gets a chair - so putting things "up" doesn't solve the problem! The only hinderance at this point is doorknobs. But since she shuts doors behind her (going in or out of a room) then I am actually teaching her to open them (dumb, I know) But she'll figure it out soon enough and this way, I don't have to run upstairs to rescue her when she shuts herself into a room. That being said, at least our bathroom has a lock (bedroom, too) but I'm sure it won't be long before she figures out how to use the bobbypin to pick it. She's seen me do it enough and thanks to VP, there are multitudes of bobbypins to be had anywhere you look.

Well, I said I don't have time, and I think I've just used up what I did have. I have a lot of thoughts that I want to write about, but just don't take the little time that I do have to sit here and write.

just wondering?

why is it when we work so hard at giving the best to our children they throw the worst back at us? Just wondering? By the best, I mean - trying to teach them to be the best at what they do, chosing the best, being kind, cheerful and helpful? And the worst - if they mess up it's our fault - if they have an undesirable trait it's been passed to them from our gene-pool. Sorry, just had to throw that out there - my mood has passed and everything is cheery again.